Obsession (vii)

Part VII

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds: (Are You) The One I’ve Been Waiting For? (link retired)

Sam’s ex-girlfriend, Joanne, gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Sam was there to welcome his daughter to the world. They named her Simone.

When Sam told me about the first time that he held Simone, he shone. His eyes had a deep quiet in them, a warmth I had never seen before. He had opened his heart and this tiny baby had made him complete.

Sam endeavoured to spend as much time as he could with his daughter. Joanne had said initially that she didn’t want anything from Sam. His friends had scoffed at the idea. One of them told me he thought she would do anything to keep Sam. I didn’t like to contemplate the inference.

Joanne was asking for help and I encouraged Sam. This was his child and I wanted him to have as easy a time as possible sorting out a routine for access. If Joanne needed help shopping for baby furniture, then he should help her. If she needed help setting up the nursery, then he should do it. I didn’t let him know how I was feeling. How I felt was irrelevant. He had to be there for his daughter.

But the truth was that it hurt that there was so much in Sam’s life that I wasn’t able to share. I didn’t want to lose him, but I was feeling him slip away.

I had once asked him if Joanne knew about me. Sam had said she knew there was someone.

Someone.

It became more and more difficult for Sam and me to find free time to see each other. And when we did, our plans could be cancelled in a heartbeat with a single phone call from Joanne. The help she had never wanted from him had now transformed into an expectation for family dinners every weekend. People began to talk that she had got exactly what she had wanted all along.

And what could Sam do? She was the mother of his child.